Rules of Etiquette For The Mother of The Groom – Ask The Expert Answer

Question from Gayle:

I am mother of the groom to be. My ex and I are both been re-married.  My future daughter n law’s mother knows and has meet me and my husband but we live out of town. My ex and his wife live in the same town as the future in laws. Both parents got together to give an engagement party. I was invited, but was not included in the planning, in fact I found out by getting my invitation in the mail. (the week before the party) how should I deal with this. oh and by the way I am close with all my children and I live in driving distance from my ex and the new future family.

Answer from Wedding Expert Angela:

Hi Gayle.  First, it is the mother of the bride who is responsible for the engagement party.  It was rather tacky that she did not think to include you in the planning, but I believe that it was not an intentional thing.  I lived and commuted from “out of town” for years, and my many ‘city’ friends always felt that I was so far away—meanwhile I could get to my city job faster than they could and they lived right in the city!  It is a prejudice that many city people have about those who live outside the city.  Don’t take it personally.

When it comes to planning a wedding, it is the bride and her family that do most of the planning (and paying).   The rehearsal dinner is traditionally the responsibility of the groom’s family, so, you can talk to your son and future daughter-in-law about your willingness to take that on, if you so choose.   With the rehearsal dinner, it is common to have wedding favours that reflect the theme that the couple have chosen for their wedding.

If you wish to contribute to the cost of the wedding, you should speak to your son about it.

I hope that helps, and feel free to email again.

Angela Fiebelkorn, The Wedding Expert