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Dealing With Allergies At A Wedding

May 3, 2013 By

Question from Angie:

My daughter is getting married in the fall. She has some extreme allergies. One of the more serious is to petroleum. Petroleum is found in lots of products many people use daily, such as: Chapstick, lotion, conditioner, and deodorant. For the receiving line she plans to wear elbow length gloves to protect her skin. Is there a ‘right’ way to remind guests to be cautious of this when attending the wedding?

Answer from The Wedding Expert:

Hi Angie. The number one rule of being a good host/hostess is the comfort of your guests. Therefore telling your guests what to bring, what to do, etc. is considered a faux pas. The problem is, in our present day society, guests don’t always know how to be a great guest which is the other half of the equation.

Thankfully, there IS a right way to remind guests to be cautious of the bride’s allergies. It is through word-of-mouth. The family and/or bridal party can spread the word to key people and ask them to pass the information throughout their family unit.  Same with asking a friend to pass the information along to their circle of friends who are invited.

“I just wanted to remind you that “bride” has a severe allergy to petroleum, and petroleum is found in personal hygiene products and lotions, etc.  We don’t want her wedding day ruined by an allergy reaction.  Can you please remind your family members (friends) about this allergy?  The best way to avoid a reaction is …………..”

This technique (word of mouth) is used whenever there is specific information that needs to be circulated to the guests that is not considered appropriate for a wedding invitation.

If you are having an engagement party, a wedding shower, etc. the guests invited to the event are also invited to the wedding, and that is an appropriate place for a general announcement about the allergies.  Since weddings are family and friends, most of them will already know, and it is more of a reminder to “keep the bride safe”.  The groom should ensure his family is made aware of the allergies, and communicate the information to them.  This is an ideal task for the groom’s mother should this be appropriate in his family situation.

Congratulations on the upcoming wedding.  Enjoy!

Angela Fiebelkorn, The Wedding Expert

 

Filed Under: Etiquette, Reception, Wedding Planning Advice

Etiquette to Reduce your Wedding Guest List

May 1, 2012 By

Wedding experts always say this: if you really want to save big money on your wedding, trim the guest list. As you know, expenses on invitations, favors, catering and so on are multiplied by the number of guests you’re having. And the more people, the bigger the venue required. This translates to a heftier wedding price tag as well. The only problem is, most of the time, this advice is more easily said than done, especially if you have a huge family or you know a lot of people. So what can you do? Check out the wedding etiquette below on reducing the wedding guest list.

Set expectations right away
Right after you announce your engagement, spread the word that you’re having a small and intimate wedding. It’s wise to let people know as early as now that you’re not going to invite too many people. This will definitely reduce the amount of awkward conversations with people who assume that they will be invited to your wedding. It often happens that these conversations result in invitations that you didn’t plan on issuing. Your neighbor’s quip on how she can’t wait to see you on your wedding gown is hard to dismiss with a frank “I’m not inviting you” reply. But if you set expectations early, she would know better not to give that kind of compliment.

Divide the guest list fairly
If you insist on inviting 500 people to your wedding, what would stop your groom from doing the same? Even if you’re the boss of him and he succumbs to every one of your wish, it’s not really nice to have a lion share of the guest list. Divide it evenly so it would be easier for you to cut down the list. And you can always make this excuse “I really would have wanted to invite you but you see, we’re only allowed to invite 50 people each. My relatives alone are more than that.” It makes people feel better that you did want to invite them but you just couldn’t do so.

Establish the rules and follow them
Another practical trick to reduce the guest list is to set the rules and have the discipline to follow them. For example, you and your groom can decide that the wedding is off-limits to second cousins, parents of friends, and friends of friends. Make sure that the rules are applied to both of you and to everyone. You can’t say you’re not going to invite your second cousins and then sneak an invitation to one of them.

Deal with the plus ones accordingly
According to common courtesy, if your friend is seriously involved with someone, that someone should be invited to your wedding. But what about that friend of yours who calls her dates flavor of the month? You’re not being rude if you exclude her newest conquest.
All these things can help you cut down the guest list without stepping on people’s toes. Remember though, this is only one of the many ways you can save money on your wedding day. Explore other options as well.

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The Ins and Outs of Wedding Gifts Etiquette

April 30, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Did you know that last year alone, people have spent a total of $6.9 billion on wedding gifts? This is according to research from The Wedding Report. That’s a lot of money, right? And now here you are, trying to figure out what wedding gift to buy and how much to spend for the couple who most recently invited you. To avoid breaking the bank without looking like a cheapskate, here are some wedding gift etiquette rules to help you get through with this.

1.    How much should I spend?
The typical amount that people spend is $75, a price that you’d have to double if you’re bringing a date. Don’t hesitate to ask other guests how much they’re planning to spend so you have some idea. Certain factors can also help in determining the answer to this question and these include your budget and your relationship with the bride or groom. Guidelines tells us that for a co-worker’s wedding, prepare to spend $75 to $100; if it’s a friend or relative, $100 to $125 will do; and for someone really close to you, you can go from $125 up.

2.    Should I consider the price per dinner plate or venue’s classiness?
These things should never be a factor in your gift shopping. It would be like thinking that the wedding gift is the “admission price” to the event. What it should really be is a symbol of your wish for the couple to have a happy and fulfilled life together.

3.    Do I still give a gift even if I can’t attend the wedding?
Yes, you sure do. Whether you’re attending the wedding or not, it would be a kind gesture that the couple would really appreciate if you bequeath them with something that will not only commemorate the occasion but also help them in starting this new chapter in their lives together. Giving a present shows the couple that you really care for them and that even though circumstances didn’t allow you to be there physically, you’re with them spiritually.

4.    Is it necessary to buy a gift from the registry?
Buying your gift from the registry is a good idea for many reasons. For one, you get to save time and energy. Another is that there’s less risk involved. You can be sure that the gift you’re buying is not a duplicate of what others have bought. And it’s certain that the couple will like it and will find good use for it. The only problem with gift registries is that they lack a personal touch, like you didn’t really spend much time and effort in buying the gift. But you can resolve this by including a personal note. Also, if you’re going for the gift registry route, shop early so there are still a lot of choices available.

5.    Can I give a check or cash to the bride and groom?
Cash or check gifts are usually welcome, unless the couple comes from a culture that considers it inappropriate.

6.    Can I send a gift later on?
It’s fine to attend the event and send the gift later but don’t wait until you’ve received the thank you note before you make your move. It’s not proper to wait for more than six months.

Knowing these wedding gift etiquette rules will definitely ease your mind and help you have a stress-free shopping activity.

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What To Include When Writing a Wedding Speech

April 30, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Unless you were born with a golden tongue, the thought of giving a speech during a wedding may not exactly thrill you. But since this is one of the highlights of the reception, you want to get it right. More so, you want your speech to be fun and memorable. So how do you do that? The first thing of course is to learn what should be included in your speech.

The wedding host, usually the bride’s father, gives the first speech. The father will begin by talking about his daughter, who he has just given away to the groom. He will go on to welcome the groom into his family as well as the family of the groom. He will also thank everyone who was a part of the wedding, not only of the actual event but more importantly those involved in the planning and preparation.

The father will give special mention to relatives and friends who extended major help and traveled far to come to the wedding. He may also add funny anecdotes about the couple and their relationship. He will conclude with a toast wishing the couple happiness, good health, and a wonderful life together.

After the father of the bride, next in line to speak is the groom. This is the tradition. But modern weddings can also have the bride giving her own speech. If the bride is not giving a speech, the groom will speak on her behalf. The groom’s speech usually starts with anecdotes about himself and his wife, and their life together. He will shower her with sweet compliments.

The groom will continue by expressing gratitude to the wedding hosts, wedding party, and everyone who contributed in some way in making the event a big success. He will also thank all the guests who graced the wedding with their presence. It is also during this time that the groom will present any gifts for key participants such as the mothers of the bride and groom. The groom will also thank the best man and give a toast to the bridesmaids.

The final speech is given by the best man, and as such, it is his duty to wrap things up. Unlike the bride’s father and the groom, the best man can deliver a speech full of funny anecdotes about the bride and groom. The best man’s speech is quite tricky. He’s expected to tease and somewhat embarrass the couple a little with some roasting but he shouldn’t go overboard and upset them, their parents or conservative guests.

For example, the best man can lightly touch on the weird traits of the couple when they’re together or the embarrassing way that they met each other many years ago. But it would be best for him to skip details that are lurid or offensive. It’s not a good idea either to talk about either the groom’s or bride’s past relationships. After the fun part, comes the more serious part of the best man’s speech where he wishes the couple fruitful years ahead.

Whether you’re the bride’s father, the groom or the best man, make sure to plan your speech well, rehearse several times before the big day, and keep it short and sweet.

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Wedding Shower Etiquette You Need To Be Aware Of

April 28, 2012 By Leave a Comment

It’s not just the wedding that people look forward to but also pre-celebrations like the rehearsal dinner, bachelor’s and bachelorette’s party, and of course, the bridal shower. Throwing a bridal shower is not that simple. Apart from the extensive planning and preparation, there are also certain etiquette rules that must be followed. Here are some of them:

Host
Tradition forbids the bride’s immediate relatives (mother, future mother-in-law, or sister) to host the wedding shower. And why is that? You might ask. This is not acceptable since it would appear that the bride and her family are asking for gifts. The proper way to go about this is to have the maid of honor or another close friend host or throw the party. It can also be done by a group of people like the bridesmaids.

Planning
Some brides have more than one shower. That’s not a problem at all. But the hosts should step out to consult each other so that the guest duplication can be avoided.

Timing
Bridal showers can be held a few months or weeks before the wedding. It’s not a good idea to wait until the wedding is only a few days away before you hold this celebration. The bride will be overwhelmed with the wedding itself and will have a hard time enjoying the party. Her mind will already be full of things needed for the big day.

Guests
Etiquette tells us that the host cannot invite to the wedding shower anyone who’s not on the wedding guest list. The host should definitely consult the bride first about this to ensure that there’s no blooper in this part. Keep in mind however that not everyone in the wedding guest list should be invited to the bridal shower. Only the nearest and dearest should make the cut.

Invitations
The bridal shower invitation should be sent out at least a week or two before. This gives the shower guests ample time to shop for a gift and make the necessary arrangements to attend the event. It’s not appropriate to send out the invites with only a few days remaining. You’ll only stress out the shower guests. They’ll rush out to buy the shower gift, only to end up with something you don’t really like. And you can’t blame them. You need to give your guests ample time.

Traditions
There are various traditions surrounding the wedding shower. One of the most popular involves the fiancées showing up right with flowers right before the opening of gifts. This has made a comeback only recently, and would definitely be a nice surprise to the bride. This gives guests who haven’t met the lucky guy to finally have the chance to do so.

Gifts
Guests are expected to show up with a gift on their hands. And while it’s okay for the host to specify what gift categories are encouraged, especially if there’s a theme, the guests should be given freewill in their choice. The host may only offer gift suggestions and not gift restrictions.

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Do’s & Don’ts – Wedding Announcements Etiquette

April 26, 2012 By

As the term implies, a wedding announcement is a declaration that a couple has been married. It’s usually in a form of a printed card that looks like an invitation, only it is to be sent after and not before the wedding. The card includes the names of the couple, date of marriage, and in some cases, names of parents. Wedding announcements are optional but suitable for small weddings or for couples who have eloped. These can also be used to tell people who have not been invited that the couple has gotten married. Follow these etiquette rules to ensure that you get this part right.

Do’s
Do mail the wedding announcement cards right after the wedding. While it’s all right to mail them on the wedding day, it’s not a good idea to mail them before it. If you’re going on a honeymoon, it’s practical that you prepare announcements before the wedding and leave the task of mailing them to a family member, friend, or member of the wedding party.

Do add a photograph of the couple on the wedding announcement card. Before, couples need to wait a few days to mail the cards so they can include a photograph from the wedding. In today’s digital age, this would only take less than a day. It’s always a nice touch to include a photograph so that people you’re sending the card to will get a glimpse of how you and your beau looked during your special day.

Do write the address on the envelope by hand, just like what you did with the wedding invitations. You may write down on the envelope yourself or enlist the help of a professional calligrapher to do this task.

Don’ts
Don’t expect to receive a gift upon sending the wedding announcement. This is meant simply to announce your union. It’s not required for people receiving the wedding announcement to send you a gift. But if they really like to, there’s nothing wrong about that. Be sure to send a thank you note if ever you receive a gift.

Don’t fail to proofread. Don’t send out the wedding announcement without proofreading it many times. Check for grammar, spelling, and format. See to it that all the information you include in the card are correct. If you’re not confident about your proofreading skills, have someone who is to help you in this matter.

Don’t forget proper format. If you had a formal wedding, then the format and wording of the wedding announcement should be formal as well. It can a little informal if you had a casual or laidback celebration. Some sample wordings are enumerated below:

Announcement by the parents of the bride:
Mr. and Mrs. Michael Smith
are honored to announce the marriage of their daughter
Alexandra Smith
to
Andrei Dylan
on the Sunday, the eighth of April
two thousand and twelve
in Laguna Beach, California

Announcement by the parents of the bride and the groom:
Mr. and Mrs. Michael Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Willard Dylan
are pleased to announce the marriage of
Alexandra Smith
to
Andrei Dylan
on the Sunday, the eighth of April
two thousand and twelve
in Laguna Beach, California

Announcement by the couple:
Alexandra Smith
and
Andrei Dylan
announce their marriage
on the Sunday, the eighth of April
two thousand and twelve
in Laguna Beach, California

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Wedding Etiquette for Thank You Notes

April 24, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Sending a thank you card after the wedding is a must. It’s not enough that you thanked each and everyone for coming to your event at the end of the reception. Mailing thank you cards show them that you truly appreciate their presence and gift. And like with everything else in your wedding, thank you cards also follow a certain set of etiquette rules to ensure that you don’t step out beyond the norms or on anybody’s toes.

  • If you think you can let out a huge sigh of relief after the wedding is over, hold onto your breath a little bit longer as you need to accomplish the task of sending out thank you notes as soon as possible. You’re given up to three months to send a thank you note to your guests. But it’s best to send them out within two weeks after the honeymoon. Any gifts received before the wedding should be given prompt acknowledgement.
  • Never send a pre-printed thank you card. It spells tacky no matter how you look at it. Remember, people got out of their way to shop for a special wedding gift, dress up according to your attire specifications and travel to your wedding location. And what do they get in return—a thank you note that you just grabbed from a bookstore? A handwritten thank you note is the only way to go.
  • Give individualized notes. Even if a group gives a gift, you need to send each person a separate thank you note. The exception to the rule is for a couple or a small family. You can send one thank you note per couple or small family and it won’t be considered poor taste.
  • Usually, thank you cards are included in the wedding invitation package. You’ll find that they have a similar pattern or design as the invitations and other stationery items. But if these are not included, the next option is to get a thank you card that has a black inside page. As mentioned earlier, you can’t give away cards with generic or pre-printed wording.
  • While there’s nothing wrong with using pre-printed labels or pre-printed envelopes for the return address, the giver’s address should always be written by hand.
  • Using the person’s first name on the thank you card is acceptable only if you’re close to the person. If not, it’s better to address them by Mr. and/or Mrs.
  • If you have received a monetary gift, you don’t have to mention the amount but it would be nice to tell them how you spent the money. Make sure that it’s something practical and worthwhile. For example, you can say something like, “Dear Mike and Wendi, thank you for your generous gift. It’s always been our dream to see the Caribbean and we were finally able to do so with the help of your gift. We really appreciate it.”
  • It’s also a good idea to mention the specific gift. If you don’t, the giver will never know if you liked it. For example, “Dear Will and Karen, thank you for the beautiful painting that you gave us. Our walls will look livelier with this piece of great artwork. We’ll remember you every time we look at it. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.”

There are countless of ways to say thank you. For your wedding, the best way to do it to send a personal handwritten note of gratitude.

 

 

Filed Under: Etiquette, Stationary Tagged With: ,

Top 7 Wedding Invitations Etiquette Rules

April 20, 2012 By Leave a Comment

There are so many things that you have to know about wedding etiquette. And it’s not just about pleasing the conservative members of both sides’ families but about giving respect to all the people that you’re inviting to your special day. Here are the top seven rules that you should know about wedding invitation etiquette.

1.    Invitational Line
Tradition dictates that the parents of the bride issue the wedding invitations, as they are the ones paying for and hosting the event. Since this is the case, the names of the bride’s parents should appear on the first line in the wedding invite. Mr. and Mrs. is staple for the names of the brides’ parents. But in some situations, they can be written down in separate lines like if the mother chose to keep her maiden name or the parents are divorced. For these cases, the mother’s name should come first, followed by the father’s name. Also, if the bride and groom are getting married for the second time, they should be the ones issuing the invite. This means their names go on the first line.

2.    Request Line
For ceremonies to be held in a house of worship such as a church, temple or synagogue, the recommended line to use is “request the honor of your presence.” Something less formal such as “request the pleasure of your company” or “invites you to be part of this joyous occasion” are appropriate for ceremonies outside religious settings.

3.    Date, Year and Time
If you want to go with tradition, you need to have the date line written out in full (e.g. fifth of February, two thousands and twelve, five in the afternoon). Skip out numerals and abbreviations. The year line is optional but it’s not improper if you prefer to include it.

4.    Location Lines
Common sense and not etiquette dictates that the location be included in the invitation. Where do people go if you don’t tell them where the wedding is, right? Address is necessary if the wedding location is not common knowledge. Don’t use any abbreviations. Zip code may be added but it’s not required.

5.    No Children
Are you thinking of not allowing children in your wedding? If yes, remember that it’s not proper to say in the invitation that children are not welcome. It’s better to have this shared by word of mouth before your big day comes. However, modern wedding invitations can include the phrase “adult only reception” in the reception card.

6.    Attire
The assumption is that if the event is taking place in a house of worship or in the evening, then it’s a Black Tie affair. If it’s not going to be held under these circumstances or if you wish to have another type of attire, then be sure to indicate that in the wedding invite.

7.    Gift Registry
Conservative guests will frown upon the inclusion of gift registry information in your wedding invitation. It’s like you’re asking something in return for their attendance. It’s best to spread the info about this through word of mouth.
These etiquette rules help ensure that you get everything right when it comes to the wedding invitation.

Filed Under: Etiquette, Stationary Tagged With: ,

Wedding Etiquette Attire For a Formal Wedding

April 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Weddings are special occasions and you’re always happy to attend one, especially when the bride or groom is close to your heart. It’s always nice to be a part of another couple’s celebration of love and devotion. However, there are times when the wedding invite leaves you baffled about what to wear. You’re concerned about over-dressing or under-dressing and certainly, you don’t want to commit either boo-boo. You want to hit the middle spot—which is exactly what attire etiquette dictates. Don’t worry. Everything you need to know about attire etiquette for a formal wedding is discussed in detail below.

White Tie
Ah, the most formal of all the wedding dress codes. An invitation that tells you this is required means that you’re restricted as to what to wear. Men are expected to appear dashing in a tuxedo, long black jacket, white pique vest and a bow tie. Finish off the look with a pair of black formal shoes without laces (otherwise known as black opera pumps). For the lovely ladies, a formal floor-length evening gown is the right way to go. Ideally, it should be in a neutral shade such as dark brown or black. They should appear in glamorous makeup, gorgeous hair do, and stunning jewelry.

Black Tie
The next most formal wedding dress code is the black tie. The standard attire for men for this event is a black tuxedo or evening jacket with matching trousers. Black tie, black vest or cummerbund, and suspenders also fit the bill. In some occasions, conservative black suit in lieu of the tuxedo is fine. Women, on the other hand, are offered with two choices: a formal full-length gown or an elegant cocktail dress.

Black Tie Optional
The word “optional” suggests that this event is a little less formal than black tie. Men can wear a tuxedo and follow the black tie attire norms but they can also go for something less formal like a dark suit, white shirt and conservative tie. Ladies can wear a long dress, cocktail dress, dressy separates or even a dressy suit. They have a lot more options on what to wear than the two previous attire requirements.

Creative Black Tie
The creative black tie is not that common but they’re slowly getting more and more popular these days, as it has become a great way to personalize your wedding. For this type of event, men are free to pair their tuxedo with a colorful tie, shirt or cummerbund. It’s anything goes for the women—full length gown, cocktail dresses, or dressy suits finished off with colorful accessories such as shawl, boas, jewelry. It’s called creative black tie because it allows you to be creative with your attire.

Semiformal
Semiformal is like formal but not really. So how do you know what you’re going to wear for this type of event? Dark suit, white shirt and conservative tie are the right choices for gentlemen while the women can appear beautiful in either cocktail dresses or dressy skirts and tops.

Casual
Casual attire is usually asked for in weddings that are held outdoors or at the beach. It’s much more laidback. Men can come in button-down shirt with tie and khaki pants. They can also wear a sport jacket or sweater. Sundress made in light fabric is the perfect choice for women.

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Can I Just Serve Non-Alcoholic Beverages At My Cocktail Wedding Reception?

December 3, 2011 By

Question from A LITTLE FRAZZLED

Hi Angela: My fiance and I love simplicity. We really want a casual, fun and green reception. Our budget is $5000 for 100 guests. We have booked a beautiful botanical garden patio which comes with an indoor space as well. Now the challenge is figuring out the catering/timing/no alcohol.

We are thinking of having guests arrive at 6:30pm, ceremony at 7pm and then have an hors d\’hoerves and dessert reception. For food, we were thinking of mini u sliders/fries, pizza, gnocchi and a fresh veg salad as well as a decadent dessert station. We will be setting up a couple of sofas and about 30 or so chairs. The wedding is in June so we will be providing guests water bottles, non-alcoholic signature drinks and a paper fan.

Do you think the timing is appropriate? Is it okay to just serve non-alcoholic beverages and a few food items but plenty of it? My research on the internet is mixed and now I am feeling very nervous and frazzled :(

Answer from The Wedding Expert:

Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

Having your wedding ceremony at 7 p.m., followed by a cocktail reception is perfectly acceptable.  Your hors d’ouvres are casual and a matter of personal preference. As for seating, ensure you have places reserved for the elderly in your family so they have somewhere to sit.  The comfort of your guests is the main focus of any party you throw—whether it be a wedding or a birthday party. Your seating sounds fine.

Etiquette says that you must have champagne or wine to do the toasts, but no other alcohol need be served.  Your idea of non-alcoholic signature drinks is perfectly acceptable.

Food and music are always the main two things people remember about weddings, so ensure you have thought those through fully.

Regarding the food, you need to serve items that do not require people to sit down and eat.  Finger foods are best.  You say that you want a small number of hor d’ouevres, but lots of it.  I would suggest a little larger selection—lots of people have diabetes, high blood pressure and other ailments, and sticking to mostly fried food with a high fat content will be difficult for them.  My suggestion is to have more variety.

If I were planning your wedding, I would suggest items like soup served in little cups, little macaroni and cheese balls, petite swedish meatballs, chicken quesidillas triangles, and vegetable springrolls to keep it simple and inexpensive.  Little skewers with cooked meat cubes, mushroom caps, and triangles of peppers are a healthy alternative.  I would serve the salad in wafer cones to keep it simple, fun and green.  If you are wondering how many hor d’ouevres, I would suggest 3 or 4 more items.  They need not be complicated, just simple, healthy choices.  You can google hors d’ouvres for more ideas.

Your decadent dessert station is a popular choice, but remember those who can’t have sugar or chocolate—fruit and cheese & crackers is a good alternative for them.

As always, the pleasure of your guests is the first consideration of a good host.  Your wedding plans sound great.  Just add a few more items to the food list for those guests that have dietary requirements, and it is fine.

Good luck with your wedding plans, and feel free to contact me if you have further questions.

Angela Fiebelkorn, The Wedding Expert

 

 

Filed Under: Ask The Expert, Etiquette, Free Planning Advice, Money Saving Tips, planning, Reception, Reception, Wedding Planning Advice
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