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How Do I Ask Who Will Attend The Ceremony and Who Will Attend The Reception? – Ask The Wedding Expert

September 26, 2009 By 2 Comments

Question from Eloisa:

Hi, It’s me again. I wanted to ask on the response cards should I put who will attend the ceremony & who will attend the Lunch Buffet?  The ceremony will start at about 11:30 am and the lunch buffet will start about 1 pm and so with the distances some or all the guests would have to travel I don’t know how many would come for both or decide to come for the lunch buffet. If I do have the response cards written like that, can you give me an example on how to write it.  Thank you for your help.

Answer from Wedding Expert Angela:

Hi Eloisa, nice to hear from you.  To ask who will be attending the ceremony is usually not done.  Do you have a reason for wanting to know?  (i.e. setting up the room differently with different number of guests?)  Usually response cards are to know how many people will be attending your event (the whole event), and the numbers are needed to give the caterer.

Are you making your own invitations, or are you purchasing invitations and response cards?  Usually purchased response cards do not have anything about the ceremony and reception as separate events. Unless you have a pressing need to know how many people are attending the ceremony, it is proper etiquette not to ask.  Most people will attend both ceremony and reception when invited to an anniversary (or wedding).  Few people will attend just part of the event when they were invited for the entire event.

Standard response card wording is:

M___________________________________

________accepts

________regrets

Saturday the 10th of October

Silver Heights Community Centre

NOTE:  The M can be eliminated if you choose, just leaving a blank line for the guest names.

or

The favour of your reply is requested

by the twenty-fourth of September

M_____________________________________

will ____________ attend

When people fill out the response cards, the assumption is that they will be attending the entire event.

If you have further questions, feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, certified wedding planner

Filed Under: Ask The Expert, invitations, Stationary

Can I Use Postcards For A RSVP Card? – Ask The Wedding Expert Answer

August 2, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Question from Stacey:

First off I love your web sites, I’ve found lots of helpful information on them.

My question has to do with RSVP cards, I’m making my own invitations and RSVP cards and to save money on envelopes I was thinking of making the RSVP cards postcard style, and I was wondering if this would be an appropriate idea.

Thank you for any advice you could give.

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Stacey, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  Formal weddings have all kinds of etiquette rules about wedding invitations—from the paper colour to the type of printing, and so forth.  So, I am assuming you are having a contemporary or informal wedding.

I have to congratulate you on making your own invitations!  Most people can’t be bothered to go through the work involved.  Have you seen the video I made on wedding invitation wording?  You might find it helpful.

As for the RSVP cards, having postcards is a lovely idea.  It gives you the opportunity to really personalize your wedding, and create a great statement.  Although, this is not something that is ‘traditional’, it is a modern alternative.

Congratulations, and if you have further questions, feel free to ask!

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Wedding Expert
certified WPIC Wedding Planner and Coordinator

Filed Under: Ask The Expert, invitations, planning Tagged With: ,

Does the Wedding Party Get Wedding Invitations? – Ask The Wedding Expert Answer

July 24, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Question From Ruth:

We are preparing wedding invitations to my daughter’s wedding.  I believe we should put a self-address envelope and response card with each invitation.  My daughter is wondering whether we should include a response card with the invitations going to the wedding party (since we already know they are coming). What is the correct thing to do?

Answer from Wedding Expert Angela:

Hi Ruth.  How exciting to have a wedding in the family!  Congratulations.  It is proper etiquette to include a self-addressed envelope and response card with each invitation—including the wedding party.

Depending upon how the invitations are addressed to the wedding party, they might have a boyfriend or spouse who will also be invited and attending.  It is proper to give them a response card.

If you have further questions, feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Wedding Expert

Filed Under: Ask The Expert, Etiquette, invitations, Stationary

Do White Wedding Invitations Mean Cash Gifts? – Ask The Expert Answer

July 15, 2009 By

Question from Suzanne:

I heard several years ago that sending white invitations meant that the bride and groom preferred cash gifts. Is that correct?

Answer from Bridal Expert Angela:

Hi Suzanne and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  No.  White invitations signify a formal wedding invitation.  In fact, formal wedding invitations are exclusively white, ivory, or cream with engraved (raised) black printing.  Formal invitations have  a double sheet of thick, quality paper, with the engraving on the top of the paper—the inside is left blank.  The invitation is placed inside a lined envelope upon which the names of those invited are formally written, although, if a relative, you can put Uncle Joe and Aunt Helen.  This envelope this then placed inside a mailing envelope upon which the names and full address of those invited are written.  Traditionally all addressing is done in calligraphy, but is often hand-written these days.

A formal wedding invitation denotes that it will be a formal wedding—placecards at the tables, etc., with the style of wedding being formal in all ways.  If you don’t want a formal wedding, contemporary invitations precursor a contemporary wedding, and informal invitations denote an informal wedding.  Your printer has all the information, with example wording for you to choose from.  They are the expert when it comes to wedding invitations.

I made a video on the topic of cash gifts for weddings, which is a BIG etiquette no-no.  Very tacky.  The video explains the etiquette rules around gifts, and explains the only acceptable way in which to let guests know that you would like money.

Another big etiquette no-no is when people choose to have a cash bar, sometimes called a ‘No host bar’.  There are so many ways to reduce alcohol costs at a wedding, that there is absolutely no excuse for a cash bar.  This video talks about this topic, and explains overall wedding etiquette.

Good luck, and if you have further questions, feel free to ask!

Angela Fiebelkorn, Wedding Planner
certified with the Wedding Planners Institute of Canada

Filed Under: Ask The Expert, Etiquette, invitations, planning, Stationary Tagged With: , , ,

What Is The Etiquette For Inviting Cousins To A Wedding? – Ask The Wedding Expert

July 8, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Question from Laurie:

I would like to know the etiquette for inviting cousins to my wedding. My aunt has 3 children from her first marriage and 3 children from her 2nd marriage (she has been married for 13 years to her 2nd husband) I would like to invite her first 3 children to my wedding, but they say they say they do not feel right attending unless their stepsister and brothers are invited as well. They have stated that they are aware that this could be a numbers problem for me and have asked if they all could be invited to just the reception after the meal.   What do you think?

Answer from Wedding Expert Angela:

Hi Laurie, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  Good heavens!  However did you get into a position where your guests are telling you who to invite to your wedding?  Let’s get things straight.  This is your wedding.  You invite who you want to invite.  Period.  Yes, there are budget restraints, and that’s a reality of weddings today.  So, you invite who you want to invite.  There is no etiquette around how to invite people to your wedding.  You want to invite those closest to you to share your special day.

My cousin’s daughter got married this summer and numbers being an issue, a minimum of two people from each family group was invited—based on who the bride felt closest to.  All families were represented, but not everyone was invited.  Some families had 4 or 5 people there, other families had only 2 people there.  No one is ‘upset’ because it is their wedding, and it was their choice.  They chose as they felt was appropriate to them.

As for inviting them to come after the meal, well that is very tacky, and poor etiquette. This video talks about wedding etiquette and covers your situation.

If you choose to have wedding announcements, they are sent to people who you did not invite to the wedding but who you want to let know that you are married.   It is a nice gesture to family members who are not invited because of wedding size, as well as to send to out-of-town family and friends.

As for your situation, you know your family dynamics best, but, my opinion is that you should be inviting only people you actually want to your wedding.  If you had lots of money, you could indulge yourself and invite many people, but the reality is weddings cost lots of money, and tough decisions need to be made.  The real question is how close do you feel to these cousins?  If you want them there, invite them.  If you don’t feel close to them, don’t invite them.

What is the worst that can happen?  The cousins you do invite might not come to the wedding.  How do you feel about that?  How often do you see them, spend time with them?  How will it impact your life?  Hopefully these answers will make your decision easier.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Wedding Expert

certified WPIC Wedding Planner

Filed Under: Ask The Expert, Etiquette, invitations, planning Tagged With: ,

Do You Put A Deceased Parent’s Name on The Wedding Invitation? – Ask The Wedding Expert Answer

July 4, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Question from Kevin:

What is the proper etiquette when it comes to putting a deceased parent’s name on the wedding invitation?  Is it suppose to be done or not?

Answer from Wedding Expert Angela:

Hi Kevin.  Deceased parent’s names are not put on the wedding invitation.  This video I made on wedding invitation wording will give you the basic guidelines.

Deceased parents are usually acknowledged through a memorial candle or some other act during the wedding ceremony or reception.  The ceremony program or bulletin can have wording acknowledging the deceased parent(s).  During the wedding, which is a happy occasion, the deceased usually do not play a large part.  Acknowledgement of the deceased in done in a subtle way either through the ceremony or reception.  Sometimes they are mentioned in the speeches, and at other times, if there is a photo display of the couple’s life to this point, a picture of the deceased parent(s) will be included.

From an etiquette standpoint, at a wedding you want to acknowledge the person without drawing undue attention to the fact that they are dead.

If you have further questions, please feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Wedding Expert

Filed Under: Ask The Expert, invitations, planning, Wedding Ideas Tagged With: , , ,

Do I Send Maps and Directions In The Wedding Anniversary Invitations? – Ask The Wedding Expert Answer

July 2, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Question from Eloisa:

My Anniversary Event is going to be on a Sunday and it will be a daytime event.  Should I send Maps & Directions to all the guests even though 6 families will be staying with family members who may go to the party and will have the map & directions?  Can I just send hotel information to the families coming from Texas because they don’t have family here?  Should I still send info on renting a car because most airports have car rental places there?

Is it possible to send the Maps & Directions a few weeks after the Invitations?  It is possible that we might not send out Save the Date cards but it is not confirmed yet but if we don’t we are planning on sending the invitations 12 to 10 weeks before the event and get replies a lot sooner then usual so that I can get a head count for certain items.

Thanks for your help.

Answer from Wedding Expert Angela:

Hi Eloisa.  Nice to hear from you again.  Yes, you should send maps and directions to everyone.  You never know who will change their mind and stay somewhere different and not know where to go as a result.  Hotel information, especially if you have arranged a group rate, should be sent to all out-of-town guests (even if they are staying with family).  Arranging a group rate (discount) at a hotel is as easy as asking, and sometimes people will change their mind about staying with family if it is not too expensive at a hotel.  As for car rentals, it is not as important to include, because you are right—airports have car rental places.  If you can arrange for a discounted rate at a car rental place, then it would be worthwhile to include it in the invitations.  Note that most VISA cards have built-in insurance for car rentals if you use the Visa card to rent the car.  Of course, each person would have to check their particular card for details, but this might encourage more of your guests to rent a car.

Yes, you can send maps and directions a few weeks after the invitations, but usually it is included in the invitations (which also saves on postage).  Save-the-date cards are important so out-of-town guests know your event is coming up and can plan for it, and are usually sent out 6 months (or more) in advance.  If you have communicated with them already about your event, there is no need to send out save-the-date cards.  Sending the wedding invitations 12 to 10 weeks before the event is perfectly acceptable, but just know that it might not be enough time for out-of-town guests who are just hearing about it for the first time to arrange to attend.

If you have further questions, feel free to comment below.

Angela Fiebelkorn, Ask The Wedding Expert

Filed Under: Ask The Expert, Destination Wedding, invitations, planning, Save-The-Date Cards, Stationary Tagged With: , , ,

Gift Card Holders Add To Your Wedding Decor

June 25, 2009 By Leave a Comment
reception-gift-card-holder

At every wedding, guests will bring a card to congratulate the happy couple.  These cards often have money in them, or gift certificates, and you want somewhere to put them that is safe.

Gift card holders are just the solution for holding all your wedding cards.  They come in many great shapes from a square to bird cage designs.  This particular gift card holder is made of metal and has a scrolling vine pattern, dazzling glitter, and a fun metal gift bow.  The card holder has a white cardboard insert that can be place on the bottom to prevent envelopes from falling out.

With many weddings today, cash gifts are common, and it is important to have a safe place to put all those envelopes once the guests have all arrived.  Putting the envelopes into a hotel safe, or locking it in the trunk of your car are good options.  Sometimes, a reliable person will hang on to the envelopes throughout the entire evening for the couple.

The beauty of the gift card holder will add to your wedding reception decorations, and give you a great place to keep your wedding cards.  In years to come you can use it for birthdays, and other occasions.

Filed Under: Ask The Expert, Decorations, invitations, Reception, Wedding Ideas Tagged With: , , ,

How Do We Ask For Money On Our Wedding Invitation? – The Wedding Expert Answer

May 20, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Question from Laura:

My fiance and I have been living together for 2 1/2 years and have no need for a registery.  How do we word the rsvp card so people just give us whatever money they can.

Answer from Wedding Expert Angela:

Hi Laura.  It is very poor etiquette to ask for money for a gift.  I suggest you go through your home, and pick out items that need replacing and put them in a registry.  Some travel agencies have a bridal registry, so you could register there.  I made a video on wedding gift etiquette that you should watch so you know the correct way of informing your guests of  your registries. 

If you have further questions, feel free to ask.

Angela Fiebelkorn, The Wedding Expert

Filed Under: Ask The Expert, Etiquette, invitations, Wedding Ideas Tagged With: , , ,

Wedding Anniversary Invitation and Response Card Wording – Ask The Wedding Expert

May 18, 2009 By 2 Comments

Question from Eloisa:

You recently replied about my question for “no-host bar” and you mention about the common place on an invitation is the left side above RSVP.

My question is, Can I include response cards in the invitation for an Anniversary & Renewing of Vows Event? I was thinking that I don’t want to put too much information on the invitation and so putting response cards with stamped envelopes in the invitation they may reply better.

This Event will mostly be informal or Casual and so will sending the response cards make them think this is formal? I have been online searching samples of invitations and I have seen some of them with RSVP on the bottom of the invitation but no date.

Again, I am planning on putting “Reception to Follow” below the Location, address and City for the event and then underneath “No-Host Bar”. Should I write “No-Host Bar” in capital letters like above or small lettering like “no-host bar” does it make a difference?

Answer from Wedding Expert Angela:

Hi Eloisa. Yes, you should include response cards in the invitation for your anniversary.  I’m not sure what you mean by not putting too much information on the invitation.  If your guests are sending back their response card, the invitation needs to tell them the details of your event.  Your response cards should tell you who is going to be attending your event, and you should have the response envelopes addressed back to you and stamped.

The online samples usually have RSVP, but no date—but you need to add one.  Online samples also say reception to follow, but you need to specify what kind of reception.  Is it a cocktail reception?  a dinner reception?  your guests need to know that.  Since the rest of your invitation will have capitals (I am assuming), I would write No Host Bar.

I hope that answers your questions.  Feel free to email again.

Angela Fiebelkorn, The Wedding Expert

Filed Under: Anniversary, Ask The Expert, invitations Tagged With: ,
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